She’s Everyone’s Daughter

“Hello darkness my old friend, I’ve come to talk with you again,” (Simon and Garfunkel)

I remember with great clarity, the moment I learned my friend’s daughter, Jordyn, and my former student, had been killed by a drunk driver. She was walking to the store with a friend, to shop for school supplies; anticipating the start of school, the next day. They were on the sidewalk. I knew I must have misread this article; distracted by a medical emergency within my family. Sadly….I did not misread this article. 

I remember absolutely every detail of the last time I saw Jordyn.  I didn’t just see her, I felt her. We were exploring future careers that might be of interest in her future. She looked at me with her sweet blue eyes and beautiful, shoulder length copper hair. “What type of career gives you a little spark?” I leaned down to ask her privately, smiling at one of my kindest students.  

She looked back up at me with her saucer shaped eyes and softly said, “I can’t say, I really don’t know,” with such sweetness.  That was Jordyn. She just didn’t know or did she. I made a mental note to come back around and revisit that with her again. We never did. 

The driver was coming from a social event which included an afternoon of drinking. He failed to navigate the curve or modulate his speed.  Life changed in a split second; just one moment in time. That day, Dayna, her family and our community, lost the life of one of our sweetest innocents.  Many of my friends who are first responders were called to the scene that day. It was one of the most difficult ‘call outs’ many of them had ever experienced and they worked hard to cope. It felt like Jordyn was everyone’s child and the grief was palpable. That feeling never left as we all tried to put one foot in front of the other to walk alongside this mother, this father, our friends, our neighbor. 

The pain for this precious family seemed unimaginable, unfathomable, and so very unfair. Somehow, they had to dig deep, to the center of their cores, for strength as they had two other children. My friend, Dayna, explained that her pain felt like a deep burning, like a fire that just would not stop. There was nothing, there was no one who could put out this fire. While this immense pain has never left Dayna, she recognized her heart was divided; one third of her heart was in a state of unrelenting torture, believing the only way she could move forward was to go be with her daughter. Two-thirds of her heart had to hold strong and maintain for her children who were still alive and struggling as well.  

We all stood with Jordyn’s family; feeling like she was your daughter, my daughter, our daughter. Immediately, she became everyone’s daughter. While we all remember the details of that awful day, we have chosen to replace those by embracing all that was so beautiful about Jordyn, believing she lives on within us forever.

Jordyn’s amazing mother, Dayna endured an agonizing horror we privately pray will never visit again. Yet, in her unimaginable grief, my friend, Dayna held up, not just for her daughter, her boys, her husband, and her family; she stayed strong for everyone else’s child, not once but twice! 

A few weeks before Jordyn was killed, her mother had just been promoted from teacher to a new assistant principal of a school that specialized in students who needed ‘just a little extra’. In her enormous grief, Dayna returned to work after two weeks, to make sure everyone else’s child was able to navigate their first weeks of school. She knew those early weeks set their foundation and ability to acclimate for the remainder of their entire school year.  Intrinsically, this gave Dayna the purpose to keep moving. 

At the sentencing hearing for this drink driver, Jordyn’s parents presented a series of pictures for the judge’s consideration so he could know their daughter. The pictures were challenged and the agony of now prolonged hearings and trials continued. All thought this would be the finality, but it was not. 

There was yet more for this family to endure. During those days, Dayna suspected the unrelenting headaches, fatigue, and blurry vision she was experiencing was as a result of the massive stress and heartache. She never had a moment’s relief. 

There was more to come. Further testing, evaluations, and diagnosis revealed there were still more mountains for this family to climb. Dayna was diagnosed with a brain tumor. During the agonizing diagnostic procedures, Dayna heard Jordyn close by telling her sweetly, “You will be ok, mom.  God and I am here with you.” Dayna could feel her.

It has been ten years since Jordyn was killed and eight years since Dayna’s successful surgery. During every one of those years, Dayna has continued to support your child, my child, everyone’s child; so, they can walk on the sidewalk with the ‘gitty anticipation’ of buying their school supplies for the start of the new school year. Dayna is not done giving back. While not a club she would have chosen membership, Dayna wants to continue to stand by parents who have lost a child, so they know they are not alone in their grief. Until the day when she is once again with her sweet Jordyn, Dayna makes herself available so other grief stricken parents can see their will be light one day. 

My friend Dayna…. it is my privilege and a humbling honor to call her friend. She is one of the people in my life who gives me pause, always mindful of the importance of a moment. Days after Jordyn’s death, she was sitting in her room crying. Her precious eleven -year old son told her, “I’ll be strong for you mom.”  Today, he is now an adult and living a life of service to make a difference in the lives of others.

My life is richer today because of Dayna, her family, and the foundation they have created for families facing a similar tragedy. She continues to remind me that showing one’s feelings is a sign on strength and humility, not a sign of weakness.