Face To Face

I looked at myself in the mirror that night, not to see my reflection, but to look inside myself. My options were to follow the imposed regulations; stay quiet and do what I had been told. But....there was potential danger, real danger, looming over a group of innocent students and their teachers.

The face in the mirror reminded me of my responsibilities to my family and responsibilities to humanity. I had children to feed. A mortgage to pay. A life that depended on me staying within the lines. That was the law. But the face looking back at me went deeper. And I knew, unequivocally, that the law of humanity, of conscience could not be negotiated despite my fear. I stepped over the line that day and revealed an unwavering truth. I knew if I stayed silent and children were harmed, I would never be able to look at myself in the mirror again.

That was one of my moments of face to face with truth. I chose my responsibility to children and their teachers, not my livelihood. It was a gut wrenching decision in many ways and in other ways it was clear. Over the course of my career, I have sat face to face with both victims and offenders realizing few ever have this opportunity. Young men and women, some incarcerated for life before they were even old enough to vote, shared their stories with me. Their words, combined with the lives many have lived outside the prison walls, allowed me to see something most people never do. Not the headlines. Not the monsters. Not the myths.

I saw many variations of tortured human beings. My work became twofold: to prevent another juvenile from entering a system that would define the rest of their lives, and to prevent another family from grieving a loss that could never be undone.

Later: In a Face to Face, he told me why he murdered his stepmother and placed her in the freezer. Known as “Mr. Freezer Man,” he was smaller than I expected. He walked me through his thinking, his rationalizations and the evidence he left behind. His reality made sense, only to him. For a few moments, he brought me into his reality. It forced the question I have asked countless times: how does someone so young become so filled with rage? I walked away with answers.

Face to face, she killed her parents and her brother, then set the house on fire. What followed was equally disturbing.....multiple pregnancies while incarcerated, carefully timed to gain privileges others could not access. Some encounters were permitted. Others were not. It forced a deeper question: where does survival end and manipulation begin?

Face to face, I thought I would have the chance to intervene. I knew of him before I ever met him. There was still time, or so I believed, to walk alongside him and his grandmother, the woman who was trying to raise him. But days before we were to begin that work, the crime happened. Some doors close before we ever reach them.

Face to face, I also witnessed what is possible. One young man served twenty years in a max prison, yet used every opportunity available to him; to learn, to grow, to build something different. He earned a college degree. He left prison prepared to re-enter society. Today, he is a professional, a father, and a success story. He never looked back. And we need to say this more often: it is possible.

Face to face is not about proximity. It is about seeing clearly, without distortion, without denial, and without the comfort of distance. It is about stepping into the uncomfortable truth that human behavior is complex, layered, and often shaped long before the moment that makes headlines.

Face to face is about asking the harder question: what happened before the crime? Because if we are willing to look, really look, we may still have the opportunity to change what happens next.